>_<

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim....


often, when things don't turn out the way you wanted it to be, you start asking yourself why. (stare at the wall and blink twice). you knew that you planned it well, all set, and knew it is going to yield out right. when i was in taylors i used to get over-the-top emotional when it comes to exam results. they were usually acceptable, not too bad. but i always thought they were not compatible to my so-called enormous efforts. sometimes i just couldnt accept the fact that my results were slightly lower than some of my classmates. so i would call my parents and complained. and sometimes cried. i know, i was such a drama queen.

tahajjud, sunat prayers, sunat fasting, were only during the exam seasons. i thought if i performed all these additional prayers and ibadah, Allah would be pleased with me and He would give me the exam results i wanted. well, i am very very grateful that Allah was really patient with me back then. i usually get what i wanted, but i did not accept them wholeheartedly. but Allah knows best, He is the best planner and He knows His servants well. underlying the events happening in our lives are lessons for us to decipher and reason.

if i would have gotten what i wanted, i don't know where do i stand in His eyes...Ya Allah, forgive me Ya Allah..i was such an ungrateful piece of rot...

But verily thy Lord is full of grace to mankind: Yet most of them are ungrateful (27:73)

last night i checked out my exam results, which determined whether i could get in officially into med school and Alhamdulillah, i passed. this means i am returning to auckland next year. the results were not that great, but the MAIN POINT is, i got through. what i got was what He wills. i learnt to accept, because acceptance shows gratitude. and if i really mean it when i said, " i'm doing the exam because of Allah," i would not be whining like how i used to. i guess i should stop looking at the value of the results as what is stated on the result sheet. i should stop comparing my results with others. i should stop asking myself foolish questions. what i should do is start viewing my results as a sign of love from Him. i should start believing in Him to guide my life. i should start improvising myself in terms of my relationship with Allah.

So put thy trust in Allah. for thou art on (the path of) manifest Truth. (27:79)

Wallahu a'alam. =)

(congrats to aliaa,aida, aan and afiq too. you guys rock. heh)